At an international conference here last weekend, former President Valéry Giscard d'Estaing of France bluntly warned the United States to "watch out for unilateralism." If you go that way, he said in effect, we will too. Former Prime Minister Michel Rocard of France said he considered trans-Atlantic relations the most important international issue. "Even though they are immensely powerful, Americans are alone. You need a good European counterweight and you should help us build it." 

The members of the European Union disagree on a lot of things. Mr. Rocard said he thought at least half of them joined because "they hoped to create a greater Switzerland," a prosperous, weak state without responsibility or involvement in the world's troubles. Nonetheless, the views of Mr. Giscard d'Estaing and Mr. Rocard about the United States are widely shared. 

The Washington reversal of agreement to reduce carbon dioxide emissions as part of the effort to combat global warming was the latest, sharpest shock suggesting a negative answer to the question of whether Europe and America can cooperate to keep the world running safely. But there have been many other moments of doubt, stemming more from congressional than presidential action in recent years. They include trade arguments, refusal to ratify the nuclear test ban treaty and the anti-landmine treaty and refusal to support an international criminal court. 

Mr. Rocard said the United States is giving the world the idea that it doesn't care, that no rules can apply to it. Still, he said, there are "only three possibilities for world leadership - Islam, China and the United States. I've made my choice. We can accept the U.S. choice providing we know what it is. We need predictability." 

The conference was organized to promote the informal but serious conversation that helps develop this understanding. Called Forum 21, it was convened by Paul Weinstein, a Paris-based American businessman, and his wife, Abby Hirsch Weinstein, to enable the close and steady personal links that give endurance to good relations, in the spirit of Jean Monnet, who initiated European integration. They intend that the meeting become an annual tradition. 

The Deauville weekend brought together 250 people representing a wide range of professions with the idea, Mr. Weinstein stressed, not of offering answers to the pressing questions of societies but the occasion to discuss them in a broad social and cultural context. 

It didn't solve anything, like most conferences, but it was enlightening. And it produced the kind of relaxed, extended family atmosphere that Jean Monnet had in mind when he argued for institutions that would preserve awareness of the need for mutual support that the wartime alliance created. 

The aftermath of the Cold War has turned out to bring unforeseen problems that cannot just be left to look after themselves. They discomfort and complicate relations, and bring a temptation to revive the harsh tones of the Cold War to simplify the task of mobilizing allies. Both Washington and Moscow have of late echoed their old, challenging assertiveness. 

In Europe, this approach is not working for either side. Europeans want to find a reasonable accommodation with Russia, but with a Russia that neither appalls them by its disregard for human rights, as in Chechnya, nor frightens them. And there is a desire to remain in close partnership with the United States, but with an America that also respects Europe's interests and is prepared to define its own in terms that go beyond narrow domestic political disputes. 

Despite the familiar figures from previous Republican administrations, the new Bush team in Washington seems far away from and insensitive to European concerns. It is hard to tell whether they don't know or just don't care. 

Basically, the issues are not as hard as they sound. But people tend not to know that until they sit down to talk face to face, which focuses attention and helps understanding.